Re: Timidly asking a bareback question…
[QUOTE=DirtyRatStudios;15948]The problem I can see with the above is in being able to trust what the other person says. Especially outside of a porn shoot situation. One of my best friends became positive from his boyfriend. They were together for about a year and the bf never let on that he was positive. He then persuaded my friend to give up condoms. A few months down the line my friend got tested and found that he was then positive. Still the bf didn’t admit for a couple of months. Anyway they are still together 18 months later.
What I’m saying is how can you possibly trust someone to tell you what their viral load is when there are people around you will do what I described above, to get what they want?
Also I don’t know what the situation is in the US but what happens if and when you end up positive? I mean who pays the bill if you need a lifetime of treatment? For some people that is an annual cost that is more than they earn each year.
I’m not judging or anything, I am genuinely trying to get my head around the thinking behind this.[/QUOTE]
I can actually relate to a number of issues you brought up…
For starters I had a boyfriend in the early '90s who was poz and didn’t admit it until I found a KS lesion on him. I had even asked him some pretty pointed questions that he wiggled his way out of. In his case he was having a hard time admitting it to himself. I loved him, stayed with him, and cared for him until he died.
As far as health insurance… In my case I’ve known for about 20 years now that I have a slow growing brain tumor. There will never be a time when I’ll let myself have anything other than great health insurance. It has also forced me to think about the fragility of my own life and the importance of juggling enjoyment of the here and now with long term consequences…
What types of risks people take to have a greater enjoyment of life is a complicated thing that has many different factors that are unique to each person… I like to drive 80+ mph and don’t get to the gym enough… Both of those could also kill me, but I enjoy having a fast, powerful car and a non-athletic life…
As far as trust… It’s a weird thing that can be easily violated. My personal belief is that guys shouldn’t be barebacking (at all) if they’d be devastated if they became poz. Even boyfriends can cheat and lie. And honestly, barebacking is addictive. I’ve seen guy after guy “just try it a little with negative tops” and then not be able to stop and take more and more risk. Or guys who get into it with a boyfriend who want it after the relationship has ended and wind up bottoming for complete strangers. I know the bb sex with a boyfriend was the turning point for me… If you’re really not OK with the possibility of becoming poz, you shouldn’t even start down that road.
As far as what you can believe… The most believable statement these days are the guys who say they’re undetectable. You’ve got a better chance of that being true than with a guy who says he’s negative (unless he’s a total top - but how do you believe he’s a total top?).
It’s complicated to say the least… And real life situations are more complicated than on-camera porn shoots…