Your will.. totally unrelated to business...

[gaydemon]

So I'm faced with some questions I've never thought much about or considered much before in my life. Me and my partner are having a will drawn up on Tuesday, and got to decide where, who and what our "estate" goes to.

Made me bloody depressed..

I'm not worried about dying, but it feels sad that everything I have worked for, saved and built up will just be lost. Sure got some nephews but its not quite the same as having your own kid to pass things on to. I guess its a very commong situation for gay people.

The only other thing we could think of was to give money to the Woodland Trust and the Cats Protections legue.. which made me even more depressed because it means I have more in common with old ladies than people of my own age.

Have anyone of you thought much about it? Have you decided where your money will go? Does it matter to you?

[dzinerbear]

I don't want to tell you what to do with your money, but how about thinking of setting up a university scholarship. You could make it available to gay students only. You could even go so far as to set it up for a school that specializes in graphic design. At least that way some of your money will go towards two things that were important in your life: gay people and graphic design/web design/cartoons.

So your legacy lives on.

:)
Michael

[rawTOP]

My bf and I have been taking an absurdly long time to do our wills (like a year). I've decided to give token amounts to family (sisters, nieces and nephews), and give the bulk of it to Callen Lorde - which is a gay and lesbian health center here in NYC. I was going to give it to Lambda Legal but then they organized a campaign to not have gay men and lesbians fight for equality in the courts ('cause they didn't want negative precidents :confused:). That didn't set well for me, so I figured Callen Lorde was a safer bet.

My bf is giving everything to family, but I'm lobbying him to have the bulk of it go for setting up a scholarship for gay students at the school where he got his MFA.

So I'm with Michael - make your money accomplish something after your gone... Unless your really close with your nephews - then leave it to them, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

[ChadKnowsLaw]

I plan on spending everything before I die. That to me is the best use :-)

[desslock]

Upcoming Book Title by ChadKnowsLaw:

You Can't Take It with You!

-Steve

[camcruise]

We have had a will that protect us both for about 10 years. I learned the hard way when my first lover died.

[Northstar]

My partner and I have been together 12 yrs and we still don't have a will. I guess most of the problem is me not wanting to do it because thinking about it makes me depressed. I know what you mean about not having kids to give your money and belongings too. I have thought about this also.

[Squirt]

I have a will and signed guardianship papers in case anything happens to me. I first did this in Australia 3 years ago a few days before elective surgery. A very sobering experience

[AnthonyDeAngelo]

Actually, the entire estate planning process can be a real awakening. Its kind of like coming into adulthood - thinking about the future and being responsible. Its also essential if you own property or have holdings, anything of value, etc.

And if there are any gray areas between you and your families, this is the time to get things straightened out and on record.

Its something that Cam and I enjoyed doing. And when we were finished with the entire process, we were able to rest assured that our wishes will be carried out properly. And, it will make things a lot easier for our families to deal with.

The best thing is that we can visit our estate planning attorney from time to time to update and make changes if necessary. Those documents are just as important.

And don't forget your "living wills" and other essential documents your estate planner can help you with.

[gaydemon]

This is exactly why we are doing it. If either of us dies and if we do not have will, whoever survives will be faced by a big tax bill due to property, company assets etc.

It really is an eye opener, with questions you never thought about before. Really have made me think and suddenly its not so clear anymore who or what should happen when and if we both die.



We have had a will that protect us both for about 10 years. I learned the hard way when my first lover died.

[ChadKnowsLaw]

My partner and I have been together 12 yrs and we still don't have a will. I guess most of the problem is me not wanting to do it because thinking about it makes me depressed. I know what you mean about not having kids to give your money and belongings too. I have thought about this also.


What is more depressing is the survivor of a couple coming in to my office and telling me they had planned to write wills but never got around to it.

Any couple that has been together for a few years should at least have simple wills and talk about end-of-life decisions then WRITE IT DOWN.

A will is just a piece of paper but it can make a painful death easier to deal with and the lack of it can make a painful experience excruciating.

Plus, if you write a will and things change, you can void or or change it with ease!

Git 'er done.

[camcruise]

This is exactly why we are doing it. If either of us dies and if we do not have will, whoever survives will be faced by a big tax bill due to property, company assets etc.

It really is an eye opener, when and if we both die.

Taxes is nothing. Its the family that will kill you.
When your lover is gone, they can be vicious.
In my case I was kicked out of my home after 7 years in less than a week with just a little more than my cloths on my back.
I lost my lover and my home..everything..just because My lover could never face making a will.
He always said the his family would be kind to me if anything ever happened to him.
I am still bitter about it.:grrr:

[MrMax]

Actually according to Suze Orman, the most important document for this is a revocable living trust, not just a will.

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/Financial_Literacy/Nov07_revocable_living_trusts_a1.asp?caret=73a

[Gaystoryman]

I like Chad's philosophy, spend it all first... lol but in case you forget to or miss spending a few grand, a will and living will are good ideas. David and I have had one for eons it seems, though he still refuses to think we'll ever need them. And he says I dream too much :bang:

[rawTOP]

Taxes is nothing. Its the family that will kill you.
When your lover is gone, they can be vicious.
In my case I was kicked out of my home after 7 years in less than a week with just a little more than my cloths on my back.
I lost my lover and my home..everything..just because My lover could never face making a will.
He always said the his family would be kind to me if anything ever happened to him.
I am still bitter about it.:grrr:

I had a similar experience. My lover couldn't face the fact that he had AIDS, let alone that he was mortal and was going to die. I was taking care of him and trying to bring in money (self-employed), so it was sometimes a choice between him and making money (the money suffered). I finally got him to talk about a will a few days before he died, but he was so weak I wound up writing down the details, but I didn't want to write myself into his will with my own handwriting. Problem was it was a lucid moment when he was suffering from dementia. I knew it would never stand up. His brothers found it and tried to use it against me after he died saying I wasn't in what he wrote down. I just said it was my handwriting and it had never been completed.

The night he died they came to go through our apartment (which he co-owned with one of them). I was nice and let them in which was a big mistake. I forget who wound up calling the police, but they were called when the brothers basically refused to leave and wanted to take more than I was comfortable with them taking. Thank god NYPD puts their police through sensitivity training. As soon as they heard what was going on they got the brothers to leave. I knew the end was near and had removed a few car loads of valuables to a friend's place. And then I moved out about a week after he died.

I'm sorta ashamed to say after 11 1/2 years I still haven't executed a will with my current boyfriend - even after going through all that, though we are really close to getting one done and I'm listed as beneficiary on all his accounts and the ownership of our apartment is structured in such a way that it passes to me if he were to die. Just last week the NY courts ruled that a Canadian gay marriage counted for inheritance. So our Canadian marriage counts and I'm actually now pretty well protected, though I'm still going to push to get the wills completed.

[ucbearcub]

My partner of 13 years and I have talked about getting a will done and power of attorney and everything legal that could possibly protect us. However, neither of us has pushed to get it done yet. And the older I get, the more I realize we need one. Every time we go on a trip and have friends or neighbors pick up mail, feed and walk the dogs. Every time one of us has to take a trip out of town alone. Hell, every time one of us steps foot outside the door!

But too many things can happen, no matter where you are.

As sobering an experience as this was, Bjorn, I'm sure you will be glad you did it in the very near future; if nothing else, then for peace of mind.

As for leaving your money; what do you really care about? What is your passion? What truly gives you a hard-on? And I'm not talking porn here. If Michael is right about you then perhaps you guys SHOULD look into a foundation of some sort.

It's YOUR money. YOUR work. Best to leave behind something worthwhile that others will be able to utilize or benefit from rather than an apartment full of empty dreams and boxes of crap that no one knows what to do with it after you've gone.

I saw this happen to several of my friends. And it's probably the biggest reason why I'm getting rid of my most of my possessions.

Now is all we have.

And as for your statement about everything you built will be lost. That may or may not be true. What WILL last, however, is those you have touched along the way. Those to whom you reached out to, or said a word to, or gave a smile to and, unbeknownst to you, altered the path of their life; perhaps even helped them get back on track to fulfill their destiny.

I for one am grateful that you are here. Though I have never met you, the advice I've seen you give others, the information shared within this forum, the way in which you express yourself, has helped not only me but many of the other members here on gaydemon.

You are a rich man, Bjorn; perhaps more than you even suspect.

[AlexManifestMan]

Do it and do it properly. It will bring you great peace of mind. Deciding who gets what is the easy part. Being certain that it will happen is exactly as you wish is what all this estate planning is about.

As for foundations, if it can be properly endowed and managed professionally, then go for it. If that is your choice, then it should actually be in place before it is totally funded. Otherwise select one you like and make a clear bequest or create an endowment fund within the framework of an existing entity.

[gaydemon]

Reading all this gives you a wake up call.

Thanks so much for all your personal stories. It has put so many of you in a very different light, I had no idea and would never have thought that so many have had to go through such a lot of pain and suffering.

Thanks for sharing it all.

It does show how important it is I get this done now.